The Porn Within

I was hungry..

And suddenly I was Aware.  

My mind fell backwards like I was no longer driving but I was in class.  Not me, but someone like me.. or like them.. or like us.. in another time..

old-fashioned..

A sudden Spaghetti Western with a cowboy-amalgam of us all.. the Roy Rogers of the religious right....sitting in a Sunday school class hearing the pre-class babble of opinions and high pressure politics but under the surface?.. hidden safely from view was my thoughts..

..and I was watching some dude across the room eating the last donut....triggering in me the awful empty feeling of "nothing"... turning over in the gut.... (I was satisfied before that) and thinking how.. in the end.. everything looked and acted (and reacted) just like a machine..

..and how much, despite wanting to love thy neighbor.. I also wanted food like I could kill a man.  Like I could club him over the head with his own partially eaten arm.  Like if I could get a hold of it.. wrestle his beloved blueberry-glazed Sunday School cruller out from his hand.. Black Friday-style.. I'd strip away it's un-edibles (napkins etc) and with someone holding him at bay.. (with the necessities and the rights of war) I would devour it right in front of him.. BIG DOG eats first!.. But not before I held it in my hands like the last life vest on a sinking ship.. groping it like a consumer does STUFF.. a re-Marie Antoinette in an upper room watching them occupy the streets below.. and me?.. with hands clinched tightly like a ravished economy of cake falling carelessly below.. with fevered fervor.. and a confidence as if.. for the good of society.. the market had selected me as CEO for my bulging bank account and my bigger weapon.. a gun barrel of loaded capital... unregulated... untaxed.. and multiplying with excitement at a frenzy as I compounded it quarterly..

But then.. just like that.. I snapped out of it...
"occupy Wall-street"... I heard someone say.. rolled eyes... proud stares.

I was empty.
..my stomach growled and my face flushed red...

"stop bitching and get back to work".. came more words..  and others laughed.  

My palms were sweaty against my will..

Flesh.  I thought.

and now driving faster..  I realized the desperation of being trapped in a body.. and overly attached to my spine.