Sometimes there's a part of me that turns into a child. A little boy. Just for a second. Sometimes just a flash of a moment. Like a flash of hurt; like losing a board game on the floor of some childhood friends house. And then I want to go home. One of the nicest ladies I've ever met died on Monday. She was one of our cancer patients (breast cancer). We diagnosed her on the floor several months ago. A wound that didn't look right. A biopsy. A talk with the physician. A game plan. A surgery. A dose of chemotherapy. Then another. The hair loss. The nausea. The pain. The discharge. The readmission. The discharge. The readmission. The discharge. The readmission. The turn for the worse. The ICU. The DNR. The family. The pain medicine. The unconsciousness. The pauses between breaths. The suddenly slow heart rate. The slowing. The friend... Husband... Wife.... Partner..... Mother..... Father.... Sister..... Brother..... Son..... Daughter..... sitting beside the bed. The slowing. The call from cardiac monitors. The slowing. The family's concern that somethings not right. Something has changed. And finally the slowing to a stop. This is the way it almost always goes. The lady I knew was a body full of Joy. She once grabbed the ass of one of my male nurse aides in a narcotic stupor. And then she apologized like a lady when the medicine wore off. Cancer didn't defeat her. It took her body but it never took her spirit. That's the beauty of the blues of this world. It can never take your spirit. God Bless one of my favorite patients. May you dance with angels while you and the rest of this universe await the promised kingdom to come. |
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Mrs. F.
Monday, November 8, 2010
The Dharma of Jesus
Billy Corgan (Smashing Pumpkins) said that "the world is a vampire", but I'm inclined to believe that it's more like a "big legged woman that ain't got no soul". (Led Zeppelin-Black Dog).
I overheard a conversation between 2 friends at work. (Both of them very compassionate people working with the crazies on 7 Tower). My 1st friend was talking about how she didn't buy into organized religion and how it was all a sham and stuff, and she asked my 2nd friend (who's gay) what he believed. And his answer was, he had a problem with believing in God because of how some things had worked out in his life. And also because of Gods followers (the churchy's and their "God hates fags" signs) but he added, "I like Jesus......... I've always liked Jesus" he said.
It had me thinking about what God looks like. I struggle a lot with my concept of God. Primarily because of my Blues. I was raised in a culture that viewed God as a hateful caricature, some old dude sitting above the clouds; angry, hating everything and everyone, like that Kansas preacher Fred Phelps- (constipated?) with a white beard (Leon Russell?).
I have to admit that sometimes I struggle with my belief in God. Especially the constipated God, cause I don't think the constipated God exists. Sometimes I struggle with all the crap that happens in the world, and why it happens, and why won't God prevent it from happening. Sometimes I ask God questions that they (churchy's") say you're not supposed to ask.
In fact I was reading an article from some religious dude (a Churchy) and he was going on and on about "music these days" (he was a churchy musician). And he was saying how most of the religious music that was coming out was offensive to God, cause it wasn't respectful enough. It didn't put God high enough up in the clouds. But rather it was too base, and worldly, kinda like a- "God as your girlfriend"- romantic love kind of music, and the picture he was painting of God made him feel very distant and foreign to me, like suddenly I was looking at Leon Russell again, way up in the sky.
I was surprised to find that Mahatma Ghandi (Hindu by religion) had found a similar experience with the churchy's. Before he was the non-violent hero of justice in India he was a law student in South Africa and at invitation of a friend he spent some time studying both Holy books; the bible and the Bhagavad Gita (Hindu scripture). With his study of the Bible, particularly the gospels of the New Testament, he found himself intrigued by the teachings (Dharma) of Jesus and so decided to visit a church one day, but was prevented from entering by one of the elders because of the color of his skin. When asked by a christian missionary (at a later time) what he thought about Jesus, Ghandi said, "Your Christ, I like, what I don't like are your Christians". (paraphrased).
Another famous person in India, Mother Teresa of Calcutta, had an interesting perspective of what God might look like. Mother Teresa, who worked with the destitute, the dying, the rejected, the blues playing poor of India, said that she always tried to picture the face of Jesus on every person she came in contact with. (paraphrased). Because it was the Dharma of Jesus that told her that when you offer someone even just a cup of cold water in his name, you're also giving it to Jesus. In a way then his Dharma is that God doesn't as much look like the white bearded old man in the sky as much as in a particular way, he looks like your sister, or your mother..... your brother..... neighbor.... even your enemy. Where ever there is pain anywhere in the blues playing world...... there in the face of the blues, is the person of Jesus.
As for me, my preference these days is to view God as a guitar playin blues man. Maybe making his way through the universe with a guitar strapped on his back. (Some electric-blue Les Paul, I would imagine). Carrying nothin with him but that guitar and a whole host of blues songs about the world that got away from him, that "big legged woman that ain't got no soul". And how he loved her once and then she left him. Spent his money. Stole his car.
At risk of offending my churchy musician friend, what I'm suggesting might be a little base, "worldly", similar to "God as your girlfriend" kind of stuff, but in this case we (the world) are the the runaway woman (don't tell Fred Phelp's that he's a woman). But if it ain't all happening like that on some level, then there ain't nothin in this world that's true at all.
I overheard a conversation between 2 friends at work. (Both of them very compassionate people working with the crazies on 7 Tower). My 1st friend was talking about how she didn't buy into organized religion and how it was all a sham and stuff, and she asked my 2nd friend (who's gay) what he believed. And his answer was, he had a problem with believing in God because of how some things had worked out in his life. And also because of Gods followers (the churchy's and their "God hates fags" signs) but he added, "I like Jesus......... I've always liked Jesus" he said.
It had me thinking about what God looks like. I struggle a lot with my concept of God. Primarily because of my Blues. I was raised in a culture that viewed God as a hateful caricature, some old dude sitting above the clouds; angry, hating everything and everyone, like that Kansas preacher Fred Phelps- (constipated?) with a white beard (Leon Russell?).
I have to admit that sometimes I struggle with my belief in God. Especially the constipated God, cause I don't think the constipated God exists. Sometimes I struggle with all the crap that happens in the world, and why it happens, and why won't God prevent it from happening. Sometimes I ask God questions that they (churchy's") say you're not supposed to ask.
In fact I was reading an article from some religious dude (a Churchy) and he was going on and on about "music these days" (he was a churchy musician). And he was saying how most of the religious music that was coming out was offensive to God, cause it wasn't respectful enough. It didn't put God high enough up in the clouds. But rather it was too base, and worldly, kinda like a- "God as your girlfriend"- romantic love kind of music, and the picture he was painting of God made him feel very distant and foreign to me, like suddenly I was looking at Leon Russell again, way up in the sky.
I was surprised to find that Mahatma Ghandi (Hindu by religion) had found a similar experience with the churchy's. Before he was the non-violent hero of justice in India he was a law student in South Africa and at invitation of a friend he spent some time studying both Holy books; the bible and the Bhagavad Gita (Hindu scripture). With his study of the Bible, particularly the gospels of the New Testament, he found himself intrigued by the teachings (Dharma) of Jesus and so decided to visit a church one day, but was prevented from entering by one of the elders because of the color of his skin. When asked by a christian missionary (at a later time) what he thought about Jesus, Ghandi said, "Your Christ, I like, what I don't like are your Christians". (paraphrased).
Another famous person in India, Mother Teresa of Calcutta, had an interesting perspective of what God might look like. Mother Teresa, who worked with the destitute, the dying, the rejected, the blues playing poor of India, said that she always tried to picture the face of Jesus on every person she came in contact with. (paraphrased). Because it was the Dharma of Jesus that told her that when you offer someone even just a cup of cold water in his name, you're also giving it to Jesus. In a way then his Dharma is that God doesn't as much look like the white bearded old man in the sky as much as in a particular way, he looks like your sister, or your mother..... your brother..... neighbor.... even your enemy. Where ever there is pain anywhere in the blues playing world...... there in the face of the blues, is the person of Jesus.
As for me, my preference these days is to view God as a guitar playin blues man. Maybe making his way through the universe with a guitar strapped on his back. (Some electric-blue Les Paul, I would imagine). Carrying nothin with him but that guitar and a whole host of blues songs about the world that got away from him, that "big legged woman that ain't got no soul". And how he loved her once and then she left him. Spent his money. Stole his car.
At risk of offending my churchy musician friend, what I'm suggesting might be a little base, "worldly", similar to "God as your girlfriend" kind of stuff, but in this case we (the world) are the the runaway woman (don't tell Fred Phelp's that he's a woman). But if it ain't all happening like that on some level, then there ain't nothin in this world that's true at all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)