The Existential Blues

One of the freaky mysteries of life is that given all the physical and psychological limitations that people have....

(.....hormones.... DNA and genetics... conditioning.... etc.)

people also have the ability to resist the expected responses of life.... to break away from the norm... swim upstream... and make a choice.

Freedom.

I found out recently that Martin Luther King Jr.'s most famous speech (maybe one of the most famous speeches in world history) was something of an ad-lib.  If you were to find the notes that MLK was using for his speech that day, you would not find the words "I have a dream" written anywhere on the manuscript.  While he had used segments of the speech at different times prior in his life, the speech as it was spoken was entirely made up on the spur of the moment... An impulse, and then an addendum to the close of the speech that he was already giving that day.

I've often wondered...... what if MLK had been preoccupied that day???  What if he went into the speech with a mind full of crap??  Thoughts???  Worries??   Fears about the future!!!

Would he have felt the impulse?  Would he have listened to it?  Acted on it?  

I'm finding that most of the important things in my life happen when I respond to the impulse.  But instead, usually I find myself trapped by my fears of things... or my constant dissatisfaction with life.... always craving what's next.

John Lennon said "life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans", and as an example of that, when my father used to visit (before his passing) all he could do was talk about his upcoming visit.  But 10 minutes after his arrival, instead of talking and enjoying himself he was already talking about his plans for his next visit....

As I sit here writing, and watching television (and commercials...) I'm also worried about work tomorrow..... and I'm angry about how I got screwed over the other day....  And I'm thinking about what it would be like to be an Iron Chef for a living....  And I'm hungry for cheese...... (What if during his speech, MLK was thinking about cheese?)  

And despite all the things that fight for my attention, I wonder sometimes what my life would be if I could stay fully engaged; awake and aware of my immediate surroundings.  What would it take for me to be fully present to my son as I play the Wii with him...???  Kicking the ball around in the backyard with my daughter??

MLK changed the world.  What if in the course of my daily life I felt the impulse... "Heard the voice"... and then responded with an action that transcended everything that was expected of me.

The deal is that as much as I feel the pressure to be as I've been conditioned....  As much as I try to stretch myself.... worry about (or crave) the future..... dwell on the past....   all I've really got are the things that are here in front of me...... right here.... and right now...

Im starting to believe that in the end.... the only way to break free of all of life's limitations is to live every moment completely aware of the choice I have in front of me.  Who we are, and who we will become can only happen in the choices that we make right now.