Julia (part I)

I started reading the book "Catcher in the Rye" a few years ago.  It's about a young dude (Holden Caufield) who eventually goes crazy.  But before he ends up in the looney bin, he decides to leave his life......  Check out...

Basically he just gets up and walks out.

Its a Great read...  A classic...  Also a little creepy.  Not the story itself but the fact that at least 3 different people (Rebecca Schaeffer...Ronald Reagan... John Lennon) have either been shot or killed by men (crazies) who say that they were reading the book while they were stalking their chosen celebrity.

The book, itself, has nothing to do with killing or murder.

("rational"..... Is not how crazy does things).

But that's the problem with crazy.  It's chaos (in the brain) causing chaos in (real life).  It's like a conversation I was having with a friend from work (her name is Julia).  

I remember we were sitting in the break room.  The television was on, and the crazies were yelling at me from down the hall.  There was a window across the room with a view of the park (and the psych hospital..... Parkside), and Julia was sitting quietly eating a whole-wheat muffin. 

The Today Show was running a story on Anne Rice who had evidently just developed a faith in God (or reignited an old faith.. -formerly catholic...).  And I was waiting for my lunch to be interrupted by some kind of chaos... or by one of my crazies walking down the hall naked (happens all the time).... when suddenly Julia looked at me and said..  I don't believe in God....  And she added.... And what's the deal with Santa Clause?

I have to admit that for a second I thought I was hearing the random thoughts in her head...... like maybe I was a mind reader..

But then she asked me if I had heard what she said, and with a mouth full of food, as I looked at her, I just nodded for her to continue talking (which I totally knew she wanted to do.... proof Im a mind reader) and she continued to talk.

I don't understand why any one would let their children believe in Santa Clause and God both, she said.  It's a lie.  If Santa's not real.... maybe God's not real.

Julia was a science girl...  She was a nurse... A good nurse..  But between the two themes most common in nursing (pastor/scientist)... Julia leaned heavily towards science.  In fact she liked all the sciences... Chemistry... Physics... Biology...

I wanted to respond to Julia but everything I thought of sounded like Forrest Gump...

I believe in Jesus.. Lieutenant Dan...

so I just asked her the first question that popped into my mind.  

Why don't you believe in God? I asked....

God's not really all that accessible is he?  She asked.  If there were a God.... Don't you think he would be a little easier to spot??? There's too much chaos in the universe, anyway...  randomness.  She said.  She was talking about physics. quantum particles... and stuff.  There were sounds coming from the hallway.  Shrieks.

How could there be a God with so much chaos?

I was about to speak when a call came from over head.

Jamie...  One of your patients needs you in the hall.

When I stepped out of the break room, I saw my patient.  A small grey wrinkled woman, saggy and deranged... heading quantum like down the hall towards us......... all wild eyed and naked.

As I walked towards her... I started trying to "sugar-talk" her back to her room....
(prepared to pick her up and carry her if necessary).

After securing her in bed...... (Posey vest)..... I returned to the break room.. But Julia was already gone....
No where to be found.

So I just sat down with my sandwhich, and began looking out the window with a view of the park (and Parkside)..... I was thinking about what it would be like to check out of my life like Holden Caufield from Catcher in the Rye.  But then Julia walked back in the room, sat down...... and then she asked me a question......

How bout you? She said.  Do you believe in God?

I thought about it for a long time before I spoke.  The answer to that question wasn't as easy as it once was.  And after a few seconds (that felt more like minutes), I looked at Julia and then I began to speak......

The Rectal Tube Blues

I was surprised to find out a few months ago that the word buddha literally means "awake".... .........(interpreted... enlightened).

Of course through the years, as in all things, there has evolved a whole larger meaning to the word.

(think of how many different views of "Jesus" have existed through the years..... There was the...

"slaughter the Jews and Muslims"-Jesus...

-"Pro Southern Slavery"-Jesus......

Today there's the.... "God Hates Fags"-Jesus.. etc.)

But all "extra meaning" aside, one of the common problems of people is the problem of staying awake, or alert to real life.

I was walking through the halls at work the other day... the crazies yelling out at me down the hall.  And as I came across a discussion between a nurse and a nurse aide I just stood nearby and listened in. The nurse was talking about a problem with one of the crazies.... about how this dude was constantly "crapping on the bed". (diarrhea.... Immobile..... stuck in his bed). And it was happening so often that his skin was getting excoriated (burned) from the bodily fluids. And so the nurse was telling the nurse aide they were gonna have to place a rectal tube in this dude to prevent him from burning his skin off.

Rectal Tube: moderately large draining tube placed (with loads and loads of lubricant) into the rectum to prevent the random drainage of feces onto the skin to prevent excoriation............

* The nursing world is real life, friends. Place a rectal tube into someone and you'll never see people (or life) the same way again.

Of course the problem for the poor guy was that he was living in another world entirely. Bugs all over the place.... People he used to know walking in and out of the room.... (not real)... There was no way to prepare the dude for the thing that was gonna save his ass (literally). And so you just had to go in. Turn him on his side. Lube it up... And then go to town.
(euphemism used to protect the reader from harsh details....)

One of the biggest problems for us (people) is that all reality is literally recreated in our heads. We receive sensations from the sense organs in our body (Eyes, Ears, Nose, Tongue, Skin), and then by way of nerves and neurotransmitters it all makes it's way up to the brain where it's processed.... filtered on some level.... and then totally reconstructed to recreate what you and I know as the real world. We take it for granted... But reality is just what a majority of people (on some subconscious.... unspoken level) agree on. The problem for the crazies is that they have the same types of sensations we do... But for them ... It happens randomly..... (unstimulated at times)... And so... The world they see and hear is very real to them... They recreate it just like we do.... But chaotic and unpredictable... based on sensations... some that are true... and some that aren't. Every once in a while with either the help of medications... or time... one of them will snap out of it. Wake up and come back to real life.

Sadly for the crazies... However... Everything's an act of faith for them... After all... If you were telling me yesterday that their's no spiders on the wall... Then how can I really know for sure today if the spider Im seeing is real?.....

After a few minutes in the hallway the nurse and nurse aide came from the room. They were talking about "the event", and I was imagining the physical process for this dude as they described it.

"We turned him over and started to insert the tube"....

Patient: -Received stimulus from the skin and surrounding areas....

-instantaneous transmission to the brain via nerves and neurotransmitters.

-crazy interpretation in the brain of stimulus and then attempted crazy response....

The nurse continued: "and the whole time we were placing the tube.... He was reaching back and swatting at it.... Saying... WHOA!!!..... BIG MOSQUITO!!! .......BIG MOSQUITO!!!!".

(True Story).